Critiques 4 U, January Edition




Happy 2015, everyone! I hope you’re getting your January groove on, making goals or resolutions or whatever it is that gets you going in the New Year. I’m sure that some of you are wanting to rework that opening page or fine-tune those editing skillz. And if that’s the case, you’re in luck. ‘Cause it’s time for Critiques 4 U!

If you’re agonizing over that first page and you wouldn’t mind me chainsawing taking a gander at it, leave a comment that includes: 

1) your email address

2) the working title of your WIP

3) its genre (no erotica, please)

4) the intended audience


3 commenters’ names will be drawn and posted tomorrow. If you win, you can email me your first page and I’ll offer my feedback. Best of luck!


Becca Puglisi is an international speaker, writing coach, and bestselling author of The Emotion Thesaurus and its sequels. Her books are available in five languages, are sourced by US universities, and are used by novelists, screenwriters, editors, and psychologists around the world. She is passionate about learning and sharing her knowledge with others through her Writers Helping Writers blog and via One Stop For Writers—a powerhouse online library created to help writers elevate their storytelling. You can find Becca online at both of these spots, as well as on Facebook and Twitter.
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75 Responses to Critiques 4 U, January Edition

  1. Crystal Wells says:
    Christmas with Hollywood
    Contemporary Romance
    Romance Readers

  2. Thanks for entering, everyone! The contest is now closed, and the winners are…

    Caerlynn Nash
    Joan Hall
    Tamara Meyers

    Thanks for entering. I’ll see you next month :).

  3. Chrissie says:
    Thank You!

  4. Lidy says:

    Hope I’m not too late
    Harbingers of El Tinor
    Sword and sorcery/low fantasy
    Young adult

  5. JC Martell says:

    I’m not trying to stuff the ballot box!! I forgot to tell you what a generous and SPECIAL opportunity this is.

  6. JC Martell says:

    Women’s Fiction
    Women 40+

  7. Lesa says:

    Thanks for the kind offer! I’ve been fussing over this for quite a while now.

    FAIRY-TELLS (working title)
    sci-fi romantasy
    YA, and probably woman in general

  8. Donna says:
    contemporary fiction
    Middle Grade

    THANK YOU!!!!!!!!! for the opportunity!

  9. Ellen Pridmore says:

    Working Title: The Whispering Tale Of Vine Street
    Genre: Children’s Fiction
    Audience: Ages 4-7

    Thank you for this opportunity!

  10. Pascal Inard says:

    Working Title: The Memory Snatcher
    Genre: Science fiction detective
    Audience: Adult

    Thank-you for such a wonderful opportunity!

  11. Inger says:

    Working Title: The Kingdom Of Plants
    Genre: Kids Fantasy Fiction
    Audience: Middle Readers

    Thank-you for such a wonderful opportunity 🙂

  12. Joan Hall says:

    Working Title: Hidden Intentions
    Genre: Suspense
    Audience: Adult

  13. Tara Ashlyn says:

    1) Email address:
    2) Working Title: Fawn Hollow
    3) Genre: Romantic Suspense/ Thriller
    4) Intended Audience: New Adult

    Thank you so much for this opportunity. This is my first novel is to dreams coming true! It is AWESOME that you guys are doing this!

  14. Cheryl Carter says:

    Email Address:
    Working title of WIP: Infinity’s Discovery
    Genre: Fantasy
    Intended audience: Adult

  15. July L. says:

    Is this over? Hopefully not yet.

    2) Breath: The Lost Prestige
    3) Fantasy Romance
    4) Young Adult

  16. Jeannie Hagy says:

    Working Title: Damaged Goods
    Genre: YA Contemporary
    Audience: Teens

    Thank you!

  17. Barbara Johnson says:


    Title: The Wife In Law

    Genre: Women’s Lit

    Audience: Women

    Thanks for this opportunity.

  18. Annie says:

    working title: The Gladiator and the Guard
    genre: speculative fiction/action adventure
    audience: YA

    Thank you so much – for this and everything helpful you share with us!

  19. T. Gemmell says:

    Actually, I would love a critique.

    I call my project ‘My Uncle, His Basement, and the Disaster That Followed’. For the most part it is fantasy, but borders on steampunk. It is intended to be MG, hopefully for the male readers. If you are interested my contact is gemmell.t.r at gmail dot com.

  20. Email:
    Title: Electric Alibi
    Genre: Steampunk/Science Fiction
    Audience: Adult

  21. Kimberly Bea says:

    Working title: Walking on Knives
    Genre:fantasy/fairy tale
    Audience: YA
    Thank you!

  22. Tamara Meyers says:

    email ~
    title ~ gold rush (I’m dreadful at titles, so it’s more identification than title)
    genre ~ historical fiction / romance
    audience ~ adult

  23. Susannah says:

    Appreciate the opportunity!
    Working Title: The Penumbrae Chronicles: Origin
    Genre: Fantasy
    Intended Audience: Fantasy with adult themes.

  24. Henry J. Kaye says:

    Email –
    Working Title – Starting Over
    Genre – Contemporary Fiction
    Intended audience – Adult

  25. Aniko Rajci says:

    1) Email:
    2) Title: The Water Still Rules
    3) Genre: Fantasy
    4) Audience: YA

    Great opportunity, thank you!

  26. Isabelle says:

    Working Title: Killer Queen
    Genre: Paranormal Romance
    Audience: New Adult

  27. My email: evelyninusa [at] hotmail [dot] com
    Working title: Raising Fear
    Genre: Fantasy
    Audience: Adult

    Thanks so much!

  28. H K F says:

    1) aiar shai (at) gmail dot com
    2) Osha
    3) fantasy
    4) adult

  29. Carrie-Anne says:

    E-mail: CarrieAnne79 (at) yahoo (dot) com

    Working Title: And Aleksey Lived

    Genre: Alternative history, historical fiction, saga

    Intended Audience: Adults, mature teenagers, Russophiles

  30. Francisca T. says:

    Working Title: Spark
    Genre: Fantasy
    Audience: New Adult

  31. Dyanne Conner says:

    Working Title: Sizzle and Burn
    Genre: Contemporary Romance
    Audience: Adult

  32. Mary Jo Caffrey says:

    Thanks for this opportunity!


    Title: The Curious Case of Humpty Dumpty

    Genre: Fantasy

    Audience: Adult

  33. R. E. Hunter says:

    Email: r.e.hunter2012[at]gmail[dot]com
    Title: Hydra
    Genre: Techno-thriller
    Intended audience: Adult

  34. Elizabeth Rash says:

    1) your email address
    2) the working title of your WIP -Grandma’s Prophecy
    3) its genre (no erotica, please) -Memoir Novel
    4) the intended audience- New Adult

    Thank you! I’m stuck and could most definitely use the feedback.

  35. Aften Brook Szymanski says:

    WIP: Break Up Protocol
    Genre: Mystery/Thriller
    Audience: Clean enough for readers of any age, aimed at high school or college aged readers.

  36. Amber Troyer says:

    Email: atroyer77 (@)
    Working Title: Terrapin
    Genre: Sci-fi Thriller
    Target Audience: YA

    Thank you for the opportunity of winning a critique!

  37. It looks like my first comment didn’t go through.. sorry if this ends up duplicated

    Title: Ringer
    Genre: Science Fiction
    Audience: adult

    Thanks for the opportunity!

  38. Barbara Rogers says:

    Thanks for this opportunity!

    Working Title: The Evolution of a Girl
    Genre: Woman’s Lit
    Audience: Women 18+

  39. email:
    Working Title: Ringer
    Genre: Science Fiction
    Intended Audience: adult

    I’d love you to take your chainsaw to it 🙂

  40. Loury Trader says:

    Working Tittle: Immerse
    Genre: YA Dystopian
    Intended Audience: 13+
    Thank you.

  41. Heidi says:

    Working Title: Something Old
    Genre: Contemporary Romance
    Intended Audience: women, 25-45

  42. Sue Coletta says:

    Title: MARRED
    Genre: psychological thriller/mystery
    Audience: Adult

    Thank you!

  43. Sherry says:

    Thank you!
    Email: sherrysoule AT att DOT net
    Genre: New Adult Romantic Suspense
    Audience: 18 and up

  44. Thank you for this opportunity to receive a critique of perhaps the most important page of a novel.
    Email address:
    WIP: Forbidden
    Genre: Suspense / International Crime / Romance
    Audience: Adult men and women, Multicultural audience

    Feather Stone, Author

  45. Working title: Mountains to Metropolis: The Elbow River Watershed
    Genre: non-fiction
    Audience: adult, high school, interested in environment

  46. Judith Schiller says:

    So wonderful of you to take the time to do this! And it’s fun also!

    Walks Like Rain

    Romantic Thriller


  47. Dear Ms Puglisi,

    My writing contact is “Wild Hope” is an in-process YA contemporary novel aimed primarily at female readers age fourteen and up, with male readers kept in mind.

    Best Regards,
    Laura L. Weller

  48. Email:
    Title: The Rainbow Stone (Chapter 1)
    Genre: Historical Fiction
    Audience: 16+

    Great idea. Thanks for allowing me to participate. I have a full first draft of my novel, and I’m on my third re-write of Chapter 1.

  49. Hey this is awesome of you. Thanks 🙂
    Souls of the Chimera
    YA Paranormal

  50. Telfer Rose says:

    Thank you for such a great opportunity!
    Email –
    Wip – Blood of the Ancient – an altered existence
    Genre – sci-fi, fantasy, adventure
    Audience – 13+

  51. Anne K says:

    Title: I’ll do whatever it takes.

    Genre: Women’s short story

    Intended audience: Women.

  52. email:
    Title: The Darkening
    Genre: Post-apocalyptic Horror
    Audience: adult

    Thank you!

  53. Thank you for the chance!
    Paranormal Romance

  54. That first page is so important! I’ve reworked and shuffled my early chapters multiple times and would love your comments on my current version. I’m feeling pretty comfortable with it but welcome any suggestions on improving the opening to what I hope will be my debut novel.

    Janet Hartman

  55. Lizzie says:


    Working title: “The Way the Land Lies”

    Genre: Literary Fiction

    Intended audience: Adults

    Thank you! 🙂

  56. Leslie Bird Nuccio says:


    2. “Lyon’s Roar”

    3. Paranormal Romantic Suspense

    4. Adult, possible New Adult

  57. Sacha Black says:

    TItle: ‘Bound’ – The Guardians Saga #1
    Genre: Fantasy
    Audience: YA (17-24)

  58. Paula says:

    HI Becca,
    I love Critiques 4 U! My working title is Greylock. The genre is supernatural mystery or what some might call ‘quiet horror’ meaning no conventional violence. The readers are horror readers but also those who enjoy dark fiction with supernatural elements. My email is in the required fields above.

  59. Pat says:

    I would love the chance to get some feedback on the all important opening of my current WIP…
    ‘Looking for Heaven’ is a YA novel in an apocalyptic setting.
    Thanks for the opportunity, meanwhile back to editing!

  60. Scarlett Kol says:

    What a great time for this to happen!

    1) scarletkol(at)outlook(dot)com
    2) Keeper of Shadows
    3) Paranormal Romance
    4) YA

  61. Sylvia Ike says:

    2. The Vengeful Ones
    3. New Adult
    4. audience age 18 and up

    Swim Season
    YA, sports, family
    Teens, young adults, swimmers and their families

  63. Sandy Kirby Quandt says:

    Becca, I have a WIP, “No Easy Choice”, historical fiction written for Middle Grade readers age 8-12. I’d love your thoughts on it. Thanks for the chance to win a first page critique.

  64. Chainsaws welcome!
    Picture book (3-8)

  65. Alyssa says:

    Wow, thanks so much for the offer!

    Email: alyssa.carlier[at]
    Working title: Winner Takes All
    Genre: literary thriller
    Intended audience: adult

  66. Jodi Carmichael says:

    Hi Angela,

    My current WIP is Ford and Ellie’s Mostly Solved Mysteries: Family of Spies. Yes, it is a working title. Likely to be shortened to Ford and Ellie: Family of Spies. It is a middle grade novel.

    It is taking me far longer than usual to get through the first draft as I am working two jobs, but as of February 22nd, I’ll be done to one and I want to dive right back into this one and get cracking!

    Any feedback, tips, etc, would be most awesome.

    Take care,


    PS Thank for doing this!

  67. Holly Kerr says:

    Hi! Sure, I’d love you to take a look. My WIP is called You, Me and Him (working title) and it’s a romance, intended for NA. My email is
    Hope that’s all you need!

  68. David Wilson says:


    Working Title: Aaron Gray and The Dragon War

    Genre: Children’s fantasy

    Intended Audience: 9-11

    Thank you 🙂

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