Critiques 4 U! March Edition




I hope that Spring is springing wherever you are. This winter has been a hard one for many, so I’ll refrain from complaining about how the air has been on in my house for two weeks now and our eight-month Summer has already begun. No one wants to hear that. Least of all me.

What you DO want to hear is that IT’S CRITIQUE TIME again! If you’re working on a first page and would like some objective feedback, leave a comment that includes: 

1) your email address

2) the working title of your WIP

3) its genre (no erotica, please)

4) the intended audience


3 commenters’ names will be drawn and posted tomorrow. If you win, you can email me your first page and I’ll offer my feedback. Best of luck!


Becca Puglisi is an international speaker, writing coach, and bestselling author of The Emotion Thesaurus and its sequels. Her books are available in five languages, are sourced by US universities, and are used by novelists, screenwriters, editors, and psychologists around the world. She is passionate about learning and sharing her knowledge with others through her Writers Helping Writers blog and via One Stop For Writers—a powerhouse online library created to help writers elevate their storytelling. You can find Becca online at both of these spots, as well as on Facebook and Twitter.
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59 Responses to Critiques 4 U! March Edition

  1. Alrighty, everyone. The winners for this month’s contest are:

    Yanicke Forfang, and

    Thanks for entering! I’ll see you in April :).

  2. So sorry you’ve had to deal with harsh weather. We’re sunny in California but desperately in need of rain.

    Title: Perun’s Wrath
    Genre: fantasy
    Audience: Young Adult

    Thanks for the opportunity. Best of luck to all!

  3. email:
    Title: Bayou Justice
    Genre: Crime Fiction/Thriller
    Intended Audience: Adults

    Thank you for this wonderful opportunity!

  4. Email: shundayah(at)
    Title: A Nightmare’s Betrayal
    Genre: Portal Fantasy
    Audience: YA

  5. Dylan Jones says:

    Edit: Email: jones (dot) dylan19 (at) yahoo (dot) com

    Title: Fighting the Three Kingdoms

    Genre: Historical-Fiction

    Audience: YA

  6. Super awesome opportunity! Thank you!

    2. The Orphans of Jadox
    3. Fantasy Romance
    4. YA

  7. I’m delighted that it’s finally spring. It’s time to plant my garden.
    A Second Chance
    Time Travel

  8. Ellen Pridmore says:


    Title: Range Rovers
    Genre: Fiction – Picture Book
    Audience: Ages 4-8

    Thank you for the opportunity!

  9. CR Carter says:

    Title: Infinity’s Discovery
    Genre: Fantasy
    Audience: Adult

    Thank you.

  10. Elizabeth Foster says:

    Title: Esme’s Wish
    Genre: Light fantasy
    Audience: YA

  11. Anita says:

    Email: ae (dot) siraki (at) yahoo (dot) com
    Title: The Wolf’s Grave
    Genre: Urban Fantasy
    Audience: Adults

    Thanks for the opportunity!

  12. Alana says:

    2) (after)life lessons
    3) Fantasy
    4) Young adult

    Thank you!

  13. Email:
    Title: Shui Gui;A Water Ghost Novel
    Genre: Paranormal, Thriller
    Audience: Young Adult, New Adult

  14. R. E. Hunter says:

    Email: r (dot) e (dot) hunter2012 (at) gmail (dot) com
    Title: Hydra
    Genre: Techno-thriller
    Audience: Adult

  15. Brett Jonas says:

    Title: The Grimsai
    Genre: Fantasy
    Audience: Young Adult

    Thank you for the opportunity!

  16. Thanks. 🙂

    “Secret of the Golden Heart”

  17. 1-alvaradofrazier at gmail dot com
    2-Winter Without Flowers
    3-Women’s Contemporary but also has YA characters
    4-Adult women

  18. Tambrey Granneman says:

    The Price of Betrayal



  19. Christine Read says:

    title: The Trouble With Queenie
    genre: children’s contemporary fiction
    audience: middle grade

  20. Sam Taylor says:

    1) sam (dot) wager160 (at) gmail (dot) com
    2) KEVARA
    3) Fantasy
    4) Young Adult

  21. Tambrey Granneman says:

    Title: No Place Like Home

    Genre: Horror

    Audience: Adults

    Half-Truths, YOung Adult. African American and white teenage girls.

    I LOVE your blog!! Thanks for this opportunity.

  23. Sunni says:

    Thank you for the opportunity.

    2. Memorable Hearts
    3. Contemporary Romance
    4. Adult

  24. Tambrey Granneman says:


    Title: No Place Like Home

    Genre: Horror

    Indended Audience: Adults

  25. Heidi says:

    Title: Something Old
    Genre: Contemporary Romance
    Adult Women

  26. Penelope James says:

    email address:
    Working title: Coronada
    Genre: Historical/Magical Realism
    Target audience: Women 35+
    Latino literature readers

  27. Cheryl Matthynssens says:

    2) Pseudo-Dragon
    3) High Fantasy
    4) Adult

  28. Patchi says:

    1) email address: mymiddleyears at gmail com
    2) title: Shrouded Goddess
    3) genre: fantasy
    4) audience: young adult

    Thanks for doing this again!

  29. Linda Strawn says:

    My email:
    Title: Liberty’s Tears
    Genre: Christian Fiction
    Audience: Adults, older teens

  30. Lottie says:

    1 –

    2 – The Good In Evil

    3 – Fantasy/Sci~fi

    4 – 15+

  31. Sherry Kesling says:

    2.) Life Derailed
    3.) Memoir
    4.) Caregivers, Personal Crisis, Rehab patients that have had brain surgery or brain infection, Dealing with emotional constraints with doctors and nurses.

  32. Irene K. says:

    Thanks so much for doing this. It’s so nice of you and I can use the help.
    Abraham’s Daughter
    Historical, women’s

  33. Email: aviario.ct at gmail dot com
    Title: From the Desk of Buster Heywood
    Genre: Fiction (Contemporary Drama)
    Audience: Fans of character-driven dramatic series, a little too mature for YA.

  34. Lisanne Cooper says:

    Would love to get your feedback!

    Title: Moon Watch
    Genre: YA Paranormal Mystery
    Target Audience: Young Adult and New Adult

  35. Curtis Manges says:

    Thanks for the chance at a free critique.
    2) Trade Route
    3) Science fiction
    4) adult

    Thanks again.

  36. FCS says:

    1) eisen5585(at)yahoo(dot)com
    2) Strange Days
    3) Speculative Fiction
    4) Young adults (ages 12-18)

  37. Email: sherifredricks @ sherifredricks .com
    Title: Monica (working title)
    Genre: Contemporary Romance
    Audience: Women 18+

  38. Email:
    Title: The Orphans Who Saved the World
    Genre: Historical Fiction
    Audience: Middle Grade

  39. Irene Wittig says:
    2. Coming to Terms
    3. historical fiction
    4. adults

  40. Erica says:

    1) erica (dot) editing (at) yahoo (dot) com


    3) Contemporary

    4) Young Adult

  41. Anastasia says:

    Title: Bloodlife
    Genre: soft sci-fi/horror
    Intended audience: Adult

  42. Nicole says:

    2) Emerson Hills
    3) Contemporary YA paranormal/horror
    4) Older teens and adults

  43. Kristen Johnson says:

    1. Kristengjohnson at Gmail dot com
    2. Squirrel Power
    3. Children’s chapter book, speculative
    4. Boys ages 7-10


  44. sarah beth says:
    title: Matryoschka Sarah
    Genre: SciFi Romance (but the HEA takes three novels, HFN in first two)
    Adult, but I’ve been told NA would be more responsive.

    note: You may have already done this for me. If you want to pass, just let me know.

  45. Halli Gomez says:

    Title: Riley Cooper Inventor Extraordinaire
    Genre: Middle Grade
    Audience: 9 -12 year old

  46. Chrissie says:
    Title: We Like Them Dead
    Genre: Mystery
    Adult Fiction

  47. HL Gibson says:
    The Secrets of Dr. John Welles
    Literary Fiction
    Men & women who enjoy general or historical fiction

  48. Sylvia Ike says:

    2.The Vengeful Ones
    3. Thriller
    4. New Adult-18 and up

  49. Scarlett Kol says:

    Love Critiques 4 U time!!!

    1.) scarlettkol(at)outlook(dot)com
    3.) Speculative Fiction
    4.) YA

  50. Rajni says:

    Hi Becca,

    I’m working on a short story that needs some polishing, only I can’t look at it objectively anymore. I would appreciate your feedback.
    The working title is “A New Day.”
    The Genre is “Romance”
    The intended audience: Adults

    Thank you,

  51. H K F says:

    1) aiar shai a t gmail dot com
    2) Out of Mind
    3) SF
    4) general SF market (so adults I guess)

  52. How awesome! Crits have helped me so much with my work!
    My WIP is titled “Marks”, it is a YA fantasy novel for readers aged 15-19.

  53. Paul Taylor says:

    Title: Shadowland
    Genre: Horror
    Intended Audience: Fans of Stephen King books such as Salems Lot, Insomnia.

  54. Barbara Johnson says:


    working title: The Wife in Law

    genre: I’ve been told it’s ‘not your typical romance’

    intended audience: women, southern women maybe

  55. Isabelle says:

    Titel: Killer Queen
    Genre: paranormal romance

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