Becca and I have been profiling Emotional Wounds for quite a while now, and it’s getting to the point where we need to retire this thesaurus and start a new one.
I know some of you might be upset. The Emotional Wound Thesaurus is truly one-of-a-kind, tackling a topic that is difficult to master in writing.
The good news is this: while we’re retiring the thesaurus, it’s for a good reason…so we can develop it further into a full-fledged book.
So, think of this thesaurus as merely being “on hold.” Down the road we’ll have a new resource for you that will be unlike anything else in your writing toolkit. 🙂
Before we wrap things up, we want to give everyone an opportunity to let us know what wounds they wish we would cover. This is your chance to let us know what wounds you want to see in the book!
Here’s another reason to leave us a wishlist of Emotional Wounds in the comment section:
Becca and I are going to create a short list from the ones left in the comment section and let you vote on the final entries we profile on the blog before we retire the thesaurus.
So, release the hounds! Er, the Emotional Wounds.
Tell us which wounds you would like to see us tackle, which wounds are difficult for you to portray on the page. Maybe we can help!
Thanks so much for telling us which wounds you’d like to see. We’ve tallied the votes, and the first of our final four is now up. Look for the rest in the coming weeks!
Angela is a writing coach, international speaker, and bestselling author who loves to travel, teach, empower writers, and pay-it-forward. She also is a founder of One Stop For Writers, a portal to powerful, innovative tools to help writers elevate their storytelling.
OMG! I don’t think there’s anything I wanted to see in the thesaurus that isn’t listed in these responses. However, there are a few things that I think are really great ideas.
Learning your biological parents sold you to someone else as a slave and is earning money off your labor without you knowing.
Being a war survivor, and learning that the mission you willfully accepted for one purpose you believed in, was not the government’s agenda and that you killed men, women and children for a purpose you don’t believe in.
Telling a lie that causes a catastrophic event that results in lives lost.
You might have covered this one already – being moved frequently as a child – always being the “new kid” in class. (Third culture kid / global nomad)
As part of being moved around a lot, witnessing some horrific events such as riots, uprisings, war, coups, assassinations, disappearances, random violence, snake bites, army ants, natural disasters, etc.
These are real-life wounds:
– A husband telling his wife, who’s in labor with their first child and begging for anesthesia, to try to go it without anesthesia because it costs more money.
– A husband telling his wife, only a month after giving birth to their first child, how hot the girls at work look.
– A husband telling his wife that he’s met another woman on a business trip and would like to have this other woman over for dinner and to see their new baby.
– A woman, suffering with terminal cancer, calling her grown daughter and chewing her out, essentially telling her she hates her.
Some big ones. Being traumatised by :
• war (as a soldier and/or as a civilian)
• a civil uprising
• genocide or terrorism
• a natural disaster (bushfire, flood, earthquake, tsunami, terrible drought etc)
• a man-made disaster (stock market crash, recession, pollution release, epidemic etc)
Like I mentioned in my comments under the topic list, the one that bothers me is a spiritual hurt. If the couple are linked spiritual–meaning they’ve belong to the save religion, a very strong one and suddenly the husband decides to abandon the covenants they’ve made to follow a semi-cult leader, leaving the wife spiritually, although not physically. I would think the emotional reactions would be something like a death in the family.
Just thought it might be a great emotional strain to tackle.
I don’t know if these were already addressed so I apologize if these suggestions are redundant. I would like to see addressed the emotional wounds caused by rape, sexual abuse or incest. Also survivor’s guilt, and loved ones and friends of suicide victims. I second the suggestions for PTSD, mental and physical illness; the kinds of illness that are “invisible” and cause shame and humiliation when people don’t understand these disabilities. How about the emotional wounds caused by being the sole caregiver for a parent, especially an in-law with dementia and the related demands and expectations of one’s spouse (the dementia -sufferer’s child) or children, and extended family members. How about the suffering caused when the sole caregiver of the dementia patient is made to feel he or she is suddenly dispensible and while it is their responsibility by default, it is not their place, and the adult children of the patient resent the caregiver. Or the patient themselves resents the caregiver because he or she has to see and assist the patient with their most vulnerable and personal needs, such as bathing, toileting, dressing, and changing adult diapers and soiled sheets and clothing.
Another emotional wound I’d like to see featured is having a step parent who couldn’t love the character coming into his life at a young age. (Bringing the belief that it’s impossible to truly love a child who isn’t genetically yours.)
Hmm… I’m trying to think of how to describe my character’s wounds. They’re rather complicated and probably a combination of several. What about believing all your life that your mother died, but one day someone tells you that your father (who left the family) murdered her? That is very specific, but what else would you call it??
Here’s another one. What if you discover the person you’re working for is the bad guy? Like, the really bad guy who wants to kill you? And then someone else dies to save you?
There are some ideas! Thanks for letting me give you my suggestions!
Things such as:
– being a carer for someone with a terminal illness
– being diagnosed with a mental illness
– losing a loved one to suicide
– domestic/family violence
– post-traumatic stress disorder
– losing the ability to do something you love (eg. via injury or illness)
– Cyberbullying
– LGBTQIA discrimination and bullying
This thesaurus is great. 2 wounds I’d like to see are:
a)Finding out your conception was due to a sperm donor.
b)Being conceived as a saviour sibling and consequently spending your childhood undergoing painful medical procedures to help a dying sibling
Thank you
I second (third? Forty?) everyone else’s praise about this thesaurus, and the positive / negative trait books. These are a wonderful addition to my writing library!
So adding my 2 cents …
You’ve done the wounds stemming from “overly” parents (e.g., overly critical, overly strict, overly protective), but what about “underly” parents — parents who were distant or indifferent?
And I would also suggest being the child of parents who fought all the time (the old “we have to stay together for the “good” of the kids” approach).
Thanks so much!!
Being the healthy child in a family concentrating on a sibling with a life-threatening illness.
Growing up with a parent who contracts long-term or life-threatening illness.
I extremely like this thesaurus.I will buy the book for this specific thesaurus. Here are a few emotional wounds I wish you would cover:
Recovering from a toxic relationship(both friendships and love life)
Recovering from substance abuse
Having to keep a destructive secret that affects one’s life
Overcoming a steroetype
Dealing with the breakup of a special relationship(I.e. Breaking up with your best friend or your one time boyfriend.)
I love this thesaurus. Here are a few wounds I like to see for the final
entires:
Overcoming a steroetype
Keeping a destructive or distrubing secret
Recovering from a toxic relationship
How to overcome suffering of children when their parents are not liked by other adults in a community. This usually takes place in small towns where everyone knows everyone. It comes under many headings such as a parent is a felon, drunk or illegal drugs user, false accusations made about other people, etc. Consequently their children are not accepted by other children and often by teachers, and feel shunned. This might seem minor to people, however, children are left with hurt feelings as to why they are left out of many activities or are not welcomed in other homes.
Wounds inflicted by gossip — confusion, anger, helplessness,shame, betrayal, loss of confidence, obsessive overthinking, loss of trust
Plus helplessness, reopened old wounds from teen bullying
Recovering from a toxic relationship.(both friendships and love life)
Scars left by children abandoned by their parents and then adopted (or not). Thanks!!
Love these! I use these entries a lot and I’m excited to see it expanded.
Some suggestions:
Death of a close relative and feeling guilt for it (parent, sister, cousin)
Living with a chronic illness
Living with illness that causes death (like some childhood cancers, AIDS)
I feel the difference is that some chronic illnesses don’t automatically mean you’re going to die soon, unlike many forms of cancer.
Being kidnapped/in a hostage situation/locked in a room
Finding out your birth is not what you were told (being raised by your aunt, your father isn’t your biological dad)
Having a gift and being unable to help people with it (being super smart unable to work in a lab, seeing the future it unable to change it)
I’ve only just realised you had an Emotional Wounds thesaurus! Bit late – but I look forward to the extended book.
What I’d like to see is an entry about demonic possession. How to do survivors feel years after the exorcism?
Rayne Hall
This thesaurus is awesome! As a psychologist, I find the emotional reactions quite accurate. Keep up the good work with all you do.
I love everything you’ve shared pn these topics. I’d buy the book in a heartbeat. I’d love to see something on being belittled by an older (outwardly accomplished) sibling.
The emotional wounds caused by physical illness (or has this one written in your countless previous writings/)
Thanks everyone for the suggestions–keep them coming! 🙂
How about this – being constantly rejected by your peers, even though you do your best to try to identify with them?
Thanks. Can you include not letting go of the memories of a lost love.
Lost love from the past.
Hi Angela and Becca — This is great news! I can’t get enough of your Thesaurus work. Got one or two for my kindle but bought them again in hard copy. It makes life easier.
Here’s a few emotional wounds I’d be interested in seeing (in addition to those already mentioned above0. In no particular order:
– Losing a Spouse
– Losing a First Love
– Being “Stuck” in a Bad Marriage or Learn Term Relationship, with no intention of leaving it.
-Doing the Right Thing Blows Up In Your Face
– Can’t Stop Feeling Envious of others
–Body Shamed by Others Or Yourself
— Being so Beautiful That’s All People See
– Being Taken Advantage all the Time
– No Self-Trust (you don’t do the things you say you’ll do)
– Fearing (or worse, Knowing) That You’re Not Who Others Think You Are
– Being Highly Regard Based on a False Reason (by Accident or your own Design)
Good Luck
I would personally like to see an entry about being diagnosed with mental illness and/or dealing with a parent/sibling/etc./ who suffer from one. I know that this is touched upon in some of the entries like the one for being raised by neglectful parents but I’d like to see them have their own entry unto themselves as negligence doesn’t quit cover all of the effects mental illness can have.
I’m very excited to see this book when it comes out! The online entries have been so helpful for my work so far! 🙂
Can’t think of one you haven’t covered.
Could you add constant pain, failing health, or the failing health of a spouse or child?
Or dealing with your spouse’s abuse when they were a child.
Thank you so much for the wonderful thesauruses you’ve written!
I can’t remember if you did the emotional wound of sexual child abuse. Wold you please consider that one? Thanks.
The Emotional Wounds Thesaurus as a book? Santa must have passed along my note! This thesaurus has been very useful, just like all the others. I look forward to adding it to my library.
As for my suggestion for an entry: unrequited love.
Your books and post are a valuable resource, much appreciated.
I looked at the list, so I think these aren’t on it, but may be grouped within one or more of the categories.
-Growing up with a sibling with mental or physical needs that take most of parents’ attention.
– As a child losing a beloved pet or possession through a parent’s choice.
– Growing up the eldest of many siblings (less parental attention, becoming a caregiver of those younger)
– As an adult learning you are adopted.
Ooh! I would *love* to buy a copy of a full-fledged Emotional Wounds Thesaurus! 😀
As far as wish-list topics for voting on later… perhaps Being Misdiagnosed By Doctors (for physical and/or mental conditions) would be a good one?
Your work is such a great help for every writer! Thank you! Here’s one idea:
Failing to do the right thing in the moment, which causes chaos later.
(ex: my character goes into a catatonic state when he learns that his pupil, whom he loves very much and who lost herself to the demon inside her, has allied with the greatest threat they are all facing. He had one chance to kill her before this happened, but couldn’t bring himself. She turns into a powerful weapon almost destroying everything.)
Have you already done inability to have children?
Betrayal of a best friend, and divorce. These are emotionally draining.
Would you consider developing an emotional wound caused by living with an auto-immune disorder that is in remission, but rears it’s ugly head at different times and for varying amounts of times, making one susceptible to other illnesses or wounds that don’t heal normally. How it effects a person’s life-style, employment ability – etc? Thank you.
Staying in love with someone from many years ago, or the idea of that person, and not being able to let go of that emotion.
Your resources are epic and I am so glad to have them in my writing arsenal. But how about the entries for emotional wounds on your site will they still be available for use? Or are you taking them down.
Hi, Jo. As with our other thesaurus collections, the entries will remain up at Writers Helping Writers until the book is available for sale. At that point, we shorten the entries a bit while leaving a sampling of each at the blog. We haven’t started writing this book yet, so it will be awhile before any big changes happen. 🙂
Wound I wish you would cover: losing a child in a terror attack on a soft target. Thanks for considering!
I can’t think of a thing I need that you haven’t covered, and I am SO grateful for this information. I use all your books, but these have been so helpful in character development and analysis! I’ll look forward to the book when it’s ready. Thanks again.
Growing up being told/believing you had to be pretty to be loved. (And having that believe reinforced by a husband, etc…..)
ANOTHER book? I’m good with that as long as you put it up on One Stop too!
Here’s an idea for an entry that I don’t think you did: Finding out that your ancestor is from a different race/or is different than who you expected. Thanks for considering.
Hi Angela and Becca – wow, I absolutely love what you guys do for us; such a wealth of knowledge and resource that you share with us, thank you so much! I wish I could buy all your (physical) books for my writing library … maybe someday …
I’d really like to see something on coping with physical disabilities – especially those that eventually lead to loss of employment and career; how it affects a person who struggles emotionally, intellectually, physically and financially when they realize they are no longer able to perform the work they’ve been trained and educated for.
Thanks so much again; you are absolutely amazing!
Since you are retiring it soon, could you make a book out of it? That would be pretty damn useful.
I would absolutely, totally, 1000% buy the Emotional Wounds Thesaurus book edition. 😀 😀 😀 So glad to hear that news! And it’s understandable why you’d want to retire the online edition to focus on that instead.
As for suggestions for other emotional wounds, how about these?
– Losing the use of one of the five senses (e.g., blind, deaf, ability to taste or smell)
– Cultural or familial disapproval of a character’s lifestyle or personality (e.g, homosexuality / LGBTQ, choice of religion)
– Losing one’s job
Emotional wound caused by betrayal by so-called friends, by co-workers etc. Also the mother wound…