Writing 101: Showing vs. Telling, Part Two

Today, we’re continuing our discussion of show-don’t-tell so we can learn how to find the telling in our work and show those passages instead. (For information on what showing and telling are and why showing is typically preferred, see Part One of this series.)

We’ve already learned that showing engages the reader’s emotions and memories so they feel part of the story, which is exactly what we (and they) want). The first step in learning to show is learning to find the telling places in our own writing.

Identify the Telling Bits

The easiest way to spot the problem areas is to look for the common culprits.

Emotions

He was angry. She developed a nervous tic. In most cases, emotion words indicate a place where we’ve told the reader how the character feels.

Descriptions

Examine your descriptions of the setting, a character’s appearance, the basics of a relationship, etc. The easiest way to describe these things is with a list of adjectives, but there are other methods to convey the same information in a more engaging way for readers.

Backstory

The character’s backstory is an important piece of their character arc because it contributes to who they are in your story. But oftentimes, the only way we know how to share that piece of the past with readers is to just tell them about it. This isn’t the most interesting way to get the information across, and it interrupts the story, lessening the experience for readers.

Unique Elements

If your story contains a supernatural or fantastical element that’s new to readers, that element has to be introduced so readers will understand it. It’s tempting to just explain it, because then you know it’s completely clear. But explanations are boring, and they pull the reader out of the story.

Rewrite the Telling Bits

Once you’ve found the pesky telling passages, it’s time to rewrite them so the information is being shown, not told.

Share the Information through the Context of the Current Story

Instead of stopping to explain that a character has issues with her father, show the dysfunction over breakfast or a heated phone call. Use dialogue, physical cues, vocal shifts, and the character’s internal thoughts during the episode to show the father’s critical nature and the character’s unhealthy response to it. This will show the reader that the two characters don’t get along without you having to say it outright and without interrupting the flow of the story.

Use Sensory Details to Draw the Reader In

As we discussed in the last post, telling isn’t immersive because it doesn’t engage the reader’s emotions, their memories, their wants and desires. But showing can actively involve the reader in the story through sensory details that make them feel, hear, and even smell the setting so they feel like they’re in the room with the character.

Nerien ran down the hall, his feet stinging as they struck the cold stone floor. In the dark, he misjudged the stairway and jammed his toes into the bottom step. Glass shattered in the darkness above. He barely heard it over Ma, screaming for him now. He hurtled out of the stairway and into her room.

In this example, I could have simply said that the character ran upstairs. But I wanted the reader to sense his fear and experience the environment along with him. Note the details that involve the senses: the cold floor, toes jamming into the step, shattering glass, screaming. Whenever possible, use sensory descriptors to make the scene come alive for the reader.

Do More than Just Convey Information

One of the reasons telling isn’t effective is because it’s just relaying info to the reader. It’s boring. Bring those passages to life by making them do more.

For instance, the preceding example does more than just show the character getting from Point A to Point B. The carefully chosen words and multi-sensory clues also create mood, show the character’s emotional state, and generate intrigue that keeps the reader reading. Showing can always do more than simply tell the reader what’s happening, so think about what else you might want to accomplish with your passage, and show it.

Reduce, Relocate, Remove

Rewriting the telling passages is always a good idea, but it’s not the only option.

Reduce

Sometimes, a better first step is to see if all that information is necessary. When we tell, we tend to go overboard, so before you rewrite, see if you can cut down what’s being shared to just what the reader needs to know at that point in the story. Then rewrite it as showing.

Relocate

One of the main places telling shows up is in the story opening. The author has so much information the reader needs to know, and there’s a temptation to get it all out in the beginning to avoid confusion. But if telling puts the reader at a distance and doesn’t invite them into the story, we definitely don’t want it in the opening pages, when the reader is trying to decide if the story is worth investing in.

So if you find telling in your first few chapters, see if any of those passages can be relocated. If the reader doesn’t need it right now, move that information to later in the story. Then you can rewrite it as showing.

Remove

And here’s the option no one wants to talk about. Sometimes, the information you’re sharing simply doesn’t need to be shared. Maybe it’s bogging down the scene and dragging the pace. Maybe you’re giving too much away and robbing the reader of the opportunity to figure things out on their own. Or maybe it’s something you as the author need to know but the reader really doesn’t.

In those cases, remove it from the manuscript. You don’t have to get rid of it, because you might decide later that it would be useful somewhere else in your story or even in another project. But if it’s weakening your story, don’t be afraid to do the hard work and cut it out to make the whole thing stronger.

I hope this mini-tutorial on show-don’t-tell has helped you understand this important storytelling element. It’s something we all struggle with, but like any aspect of storytelling, the more you do it, the easier it gets. If you’d like to go deeper in this topic, check out our page of Show-Don’t-Tell Resources.

Other Posts in This Series

Dialogue Mechanics
Effective Dialogue Techniques
Show-Don’t-Tell, Part 1
Point of View Basics