Relationship Thesaurus Entry: Exes

Successful stories are driven by authentic and interesting characters, so it’s important to craft them carefully. But characters don’t usually exist in a vacuum; throughout the course of your story, they’ll live, work, play, and fight with other cast members. Some of those relationships are positive and supportive, pushing the protagonist to positive growth and helping them achieve their goals. Other relationships do exactly the opposite, derailing your character’s confidence and self-worth or they cause friction and conflict that leads to fallout and disruption. Many relationships hover somewhere in the middle. A balanced story will require a mix of these dynamics.

The purpose of this thesaurus is to encourage you to explore the kinds of relationships that might be good for your story and figure out what each might look like. Think about what a character needs (good and bad), and build a network of connections for him or her that will challenge them, showcase their innermost qualities, and bind readers to their relationship trials and triumphs.

Description: There are very few people in this world who don’t have a romantic ex or two (or five?). When it comes to our characters, certain factors will impact the dynamics of this relationship and should be considered. Is the ex a spouse, lover, or boyfriend/girlfriend? How long did the relationship last? Are there shared responsibilities that keep the ex involved in the protagonist’s life? Has the ex moved on, bringing new personalities into the mix that could create issues for the character? Was there abuse, infidelity, or another damaging event that would cause more than the usual bad feelings? Whatever the factors, this relationship will bring with it emotional baggage and inherent conflict, making it a good one for our fictional characters.

Relationship Dynamics:
Below are a wide range of dynamics that may accompany this relationship. Use the ideas that suit your story and work best for your characters to bring about and/or resolve the necessary conflict.

Remaining friends after the breakup
Spending holidays or vacations together to maintain stability for the children
Continuing to cohabitate after the breakup (to save money, until a new job or apartment can be found, etc.)
Maintaining a civil relationship because of a shared goal (raising a child, owning a business together, etc.)
Agreeing to make certain important decisions together, such as when a child should get a phone or start dating
Putting on a happy face and hiding the negative emotions that crop up when the ex is present
Ignoring each other when the two people come in contact
Being dependent on the ex (pining after them, responding to every overture of reconciliation, continuing to seek them out for help, becoming obsessed, etc.)

Conflicting Desires that Can Impair the Relationship
One person wanting to reconcile while the other is determined to stay apart
Differing desires surrounding a shared goal or asset
One person adopting a live-and-let-live mentality while the other wants to exact revenge

Clashing Personality Trait Combinations:
Apathetic and Passionate, Controlling and Timid, Needy and Independent, Honest and Evasive, Forgetful and Meticulous, Impulsive and Sensible

Negative Outcomes of Friction
A relationship getting so bad that the two can’t be in the same room
Missing out on opportunities because friends have to choose one person over the other (not being invited to a wedding, etc.)
Bitterness, anger, and an inability to forgive making it hard for the character to move on

Fictional Scenarios That Could Turn These Characters into Allies
A child’s rebellion or unhealthy coping practices (drug abuse, unsafe sexual practices, self-harming, toxic relationships, etc.) requiring an intervention or rescue
Recognizing that a truce must be negotiated for the sake of the children
A financial difficulty that would be solved by them continuing to live together

Ways This Relationship May Lead to Positive Growth
The character realizes the part they played in the breakup and take steps to change
With distance and perspective, the character is able to see the ex for who they really are and recognize that the breakup was the right choice

Themes and Symbols That Can Be Explored through This Relationship
A Fall from Grace, Beginnings, Betrayal, Borders, Depression, Endings, Family, Freedom, Hope, Journeys, Love, Perseverance, Pride, Refuge, Sacrifice, Stagnation, Suffering

Other Relationship Thesaurus entries can be found here.

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