Successful stories are driven by authentic and interesting characters, so it’s important to craft them carefully. But characters don’t usually exist in a vacuum; throughout the course of your story, they’ll live, work, play, and fight with other cast members. Some of those relationships are positive and supportive, pushing the protagonist to positive growth and helping them achieve their goals. Other relationships do exactly the opposite—derailing your character’s confidence and self-worth—or they cause friction and conflict that leads to fallout and disruption. Many relationships hover somewhere in the middle. A balanced story will require a mix of these dynamics.
The purpose of this thesaurus is to encourage you to explore the kinds of relationships that might be good for your story and figure out what each might look like. Think about what a character needs (good and bad), and build a network of connections for him or her that will challenge them, showcase their innermost qualities, and bind readers to their relationship trials and triumphs.
SPOUSES AND PARTNERS
Description:
For the purposes of this entry, we have defined romantic partners or spouses as people in a committed relationship; they may be married or not, living together or separately. As in any partnership, individual needs and wants will always have to be balanced with what’s best for the relationship as a whole. Careers, children, finances, and lifestyle choices can also create grounds for complications.
Relationship Dynamics
Below are a wide range of dynamics that may accompany this relationship. Use the ideas that suit your story and work best for your characters to bring about and/or resolve the necessary conflict.
A couple who is deeply in love, with each person dedicated to serving the needs of the other
Struggling partners who are devoted to making the relationship work, no matter the sacrifice
A loving couple who aren’t currently making each other top priority due to outside circumstances or a temporary stage of life (financial difficulties requiring one person to work long hours, a special needs child needing a lot of attention, a long commute to a new job squeezing out family time, etc.)
One partner being more committed to the relationship than the other party
A partnership consisting of one party who was cheated on in the past and has a hard time trusting
A relationship being undermined by addiction, infidelity, or mental health challenges
An abusive partnership
The two people not being on the same page (regarding having children, childrearing methods, management of finances, sex, etc.)
A longtime couple whose hobbies and interests have changed over time, leaving them with little in common
A couple who are married in name only, having little to no intimacy, trust, or relationship
Struggling partners who are staying together for reasons other than love (to keep from hurting the kids, because they believe divorce is morally wrong, because it’s financially prudent to stay together, etc.)
Partners who put on a happy face in public but are unhappy in private
An open relationship with third parties being brought into the fold
Challenges That Could Threaten The Status Quo
A partner or spouse having an affair
One person being offered a job that will drastically impact the couple’s home life (a move, erratic hours, less pay, etc.)
The couple finding out they’re pregnant
A spouse being fired
Someone being arrested or sued
One person’s hidden secret being discovered (a sexual or gender orientation, a past crime, etc.)
A love-child from a former relationship knocking on their door
One person developing an addiction
One person working too much
The relationship becoming a long-distance one due to work or family needs
An ex coming back into the picture
One person suffering from physical or mental health difficulties
One or both people suffering a traumatic event (an accident, natural disaster, victimization, etc.)
One partner developing intense interest in something that the other partner don’t like
The couple disagreeing on how to best raise their child
One person become abusive
Discovering one’s partner or spouse has another family
The couple experiencing infertility, a miscarriage, or the loss of a child
One party comparing the relationship to others and becoming dissatisfied (with their financial status, where they live, how they interact, etc.)
Conflicting Desires that Can Impair the Relationship
One partner wanting to get married or have children while the other does not
One spouse wanting to divorce or break up
One party wanting to save money while the other wants to spend it
One party wanting more involvement with extended family than the other
Both parties having different desires for the frequency or kind of communication in the relationship
One party wanting to relocate while the other does not
One party losing romantic interest in the other
Both parties holding onto differing religious beliefs and expecting the other to change
One party wanting a career that the other does not support
One party wanting to openly date or bring an outside party into the relationship
One party wanting control over the other party
The couple disagreeing on how to support a family member who is facing difficulties
Clashing Personality Trait Combinations
Persuasive and Weak-Willed, Trustworthy and Dishonest, Controlling and Rebellious, Independent and Needy, Cautious and Reckless, Abrasive and Oversensitive
Negative Outcomes of Friction
Separation, estrangement, or divorce
Growing apart over time
Turning against each other
The relationship developing a power imbalance
Resentment over what it takes to make the relationship work
Loss of friends or family members who do not support the relationship
Lying to others to hide what is really happening
Arguments and fights
Feeling trapped in the relationship
Giving up on fixing the relationship; deciding to be satisfied with how things are
Living in denial about what’s wrong and the severity of the problem
One party turning to someone outside the relationship to meet their needs
Fictional Scenarios That Could Turn These Characters into Allies
Experiencing a traumatic event
Experiencing a joyous event together (a pregnancy, the birth of a child, being named godparents, etc.)
Having to come together to deal with an invasive third party, such as an in-law or ex
Supporting someone through a difficult time, medical diagnosis, or addiction
Finding common ground in religious beliefs
Being forced to start over (from moving to a new location away from family or becoming empty nesters, for instance)
A situation arising that could fulfill a dream for both parties, such as being given the opportunity to start a nonprofit, volunteer at a beloved charity, or start a business together
Close friends ending their long-term relationship, providing the couple with the motivation to heal their marriage
Ways This Relationship May Lead to Positive Change
One person serving the other, providing an example for the partner to do the same
Understanding the need for give and take
Therapy helping a wounded partner heal from past relationships (romantic, parental, etc.)
One party being able to see things from their partner’s perspective
Both partiers learning to extend and receive forgiveness and grace
Each party seeing how their have contributed to the problems and making amends
Mutual love and respect leading to increased satisfaction
The couple’s children seeing the characters learn, grow, and fight for their relationship and vowing to do the same
Themes and Symbols That Can Be Explored through This Relationship
A fall from grace, Alienation, Betrayal, Crossroads, Depression, Endings, Family, Freedom, Friendship, Health, Illness, Inflexibility, Instability, Isolation, Journeys, Loss, Love, Passage of time, Perseverance, Sacrifice, Stagnation, Suffering, Teamwork, Vulnerability, Wealth
Other Relationship Thesaurus entries can be found here.
Need More Descriptive Help?
While this thesaurus is still being developed, the rest of our descriptive collection (15 unique thesauri and growing) is accessible through the One Stop for Writers THESAURUS database.
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Becca Puglisi is an international speaker, writing coach, and bestselling author of The Emotion Thesaurus and its sequels. Her books are available in five languages, are sourced by US universities, and are used by novelists, screenwriters, editors, and psychologists around the world. She is passionate about learning and sharing her knowledge with others through her Writers Helping Writers blog and via One Stop For Writers—a powerhouse online library created to help writers elevate their storytelling.