• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Home
  • About
    • About WHW
    • Press Kit
    • Resident Writing Coaches
    • Contact Us
    • Podcasts & Interviews
    • Master Storytelling Newsletter
    • Guest Post Guidelines
    • Privacy Policy
    • Charities & Support
  • Bookstore
    • Bookstore
    • Foreign Editions
    • Book Reviews
    • Free Thesaurus Sampler
  • Blog
  • Software
  • Workshops
  • Resources
    • List of Resources
    • Recommended Writing Books
    • WHW Descriptive Thesaurus Collection
    • Free Tools & Worksheets
    • Grab A Free Show-Dont-Tell Pro Pack
  • WRITERS HELPING WRITERS®
  • Nav Social Menu

    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter
WRITERS HELPING WRITERS®

WRITERS HELPING WRITERS®

Helping writers become bestselling authors

Fighting Attraction in Romance (Body Language Help)

February 2, 2023 by ANGELA ACKERMAN 6 Comments

Emotion is the heart of any story, and there is no genre where this holds more true than romance. Readers look forward to a romantically tense roller coaster ride (how’s that for alliteration) that feels authentic and satisfying as characters are drawn together. Often though, characters fight this attraction. They might have goals or responsibilities they believe require all their focus or have something to prove and so are determined to remain independent. And of course, many try to avoid entanglements because their past has shown them that love leads to emotional pain.

This last one (emotional pain), is almost always the biggest factor, and no wonder. When it comes to the heart, vulnerability threads itself through everything, leading to a deep, loving bond or a terrible wound that makes trust all but impossible moving forward. However, despite the baggage your characters lug into the story or their desire to avoid romantic collisions, our job is to bring the protagonist and love interest together.

When our characters are invested in a romantic connection, it’s easier to show it through behavior by progressing through the stages of attraction: Interest, Flirtation, Desire, and Lust.

These tip sheets from One Stop for Writers list some possibilities. (Download here)

But if one or both characters fight the attraction, there’s more of a push & pull progression to intimacy and connection, and showing that becomes more complicated.

The extra work is worth it, though. Friction means the romance won’t be easy, and readers love to bear witness to a challenge, especially when they can see how good the two will be together. When readers are invested and want to see a certain outcome, those pages keep turning.

What Does Character Resistance Look Like?

Characters who are fearful of being hurt often try to stay in control by denying their feelings. This resistance is mental as well as physical. For example, if the POV character is trying to resist or deny their feelings for another, they will often try to reframe the person in their mind, finding flaws to counteract the attraction they feel. These thoughts often carry a tone of anger, frustration, and impatience, because these emotions can help turn down the dimmer switch on their desire.

But will it work? It depends on the level of their attraction and desire. After all, control weakens when strong emotions swoop in. The more their desire takes over, the weaker their ability is to try and diminish the other person so they can trick themselves into believing they are not a suitable match.

One way to show this tug of war is to show a “disconnect” between what they think and what they do. People can try to lie to themselves about what they feel but in some way their body will always reveal the truth through uncontrolled responses (taking a step toward another, reaching out for them, getting flustered when speaking, etc.). For realism, our characters should behave as we do, so using this disconnect will show readers that despite whatever excuses the character tries to come up with in their mind or whatever they try to do to control the situation, love is starting to bloom.

One obvious type of “disconnect” might be your character telling themselves they are going to make a point of ignoring the love interest at an event, yet their attention is repeatedly drawn to them, and they seem unable to control it. When they realize what they are doing, the deception might weakly continue as they come up with arguments as to why such monitoring is needed. But the real reasons, often helped along by interest and attraction body language cues, will leak through to readers.

It can be tricky to show readers something that the character themselves doesn’t see, like their own primal attraction for another person. But this is where uncontrolled body language cues and visceral sensations (blushing, sweating, heartbeat racing) help show your character is being gripped by romantic feelings. And often the harder they try to resist, the more obvious their feelings become to other characters and the reader.

Need help writing body language tied to the Stages of Attraction?

Download these tip sheets that show some options for the Stages of Attraction (Masculine-Identifying and Feminine-Identifying), or grab the one on Character Love Languages.

Plus, while you’re at One Stop for Writers, swing by the Emotion Thesaurus Database which contains lists of body language, thoughts, visceral sensations and more for 135 unique emotions. 

ANGELA ACKERMAN
ANGELA ACKERMAN

Angela is a writing coach, international speaker, and bestselling author who loves to travel, teach, empower writers, and pay-it-forward. She also is a founder of One Stop For Writers, a portal to powerful, innovative tools to help writers elevate their storytelling.

Share this:

  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
  • More
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)

Related

Filed Under: Emotion, Relationships, Romance, Writing Craft

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Kay DiBianca says

    February 2, 2023 at 10:48 am

    Thanks, Angela. I’m dealing with a character right now who is resisting her attraction to someone she has to work with. Your post is very helpful. And the tip sheets! They are a gold mine. Thank you.

    Reply
    • ANGELA ACKERMAN says

      February 2, 2023 at 3:01 pm

      Glad you like those tip sheets! Sometimes all we need is a brainstorming nudge and suddenly boom, we’re able to really improve a scene. 🙂

      Reply
  2. Jan Sikes says

    February 2, 2023 at 10:09 am

    Thank you for sharing, Angela! There are SO many resources available to writers through your One-Stop for Writers place. This is a great post!

    Reply
    • ANGELA ACKERMAN says

      February 2, 2023 at 3:02 pm

      Aw Jan, thank you! We’re happy to help!

      Reply
  3. MINDY ALYSE WEISS says

    February 2, 2023 at 4:52 am

    Thanks, Angela. This post is like taking a master class! I especially love this: People can try to lie to themselves about what they feel but in some way their body will always reveal the truth through uncontrolled responses (taking a step toward another, reaching out for them, getting flustered when speaking, etc.).

    I need to put that up on a Post It note near my laptop.

    Reply
    • ANGELA ACKERMAN says

      February 2, 2023 at 3:03 pm

      Thanks, Mindy! I love showing how feeling conflict through what a person says and does, or how their body reacts and cancels out what they are trying to pretend to feel. This is something we do in the real world and it’s great in fiction. 🙂

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Primary Sidebar


Welcome!

Writing is hard. Angela & Becca make it easier. Get ready to level up your fiction with game-changing tools, resources, and advice.

Follow Us

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Subscribe to the Blog

Check your inbox to confirm! If gremlins tried to eat it, you might have to check your spam folder.

Read by Category

Grab Our Button

Writers Helping Writers

Software that Will Change the Writing Game

One Stop for Writers

WRITERS HELPING WRITERS® · Copyright © 2023 · WEBSITE DESIGN BY LAUGH EAT LEARN

Cookies are delicious and ours help make your experience here better. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with our cookie use. Cookie settingsGOT IT
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience. More on our Privacy Policy here.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
Non-necessary
Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
SAVE & ACCEPT
 

Loading Comments...