How to Show Flirting Between Characters

Flirting–a smile, a joke, a quick touch that is so much more than what it appears to be.

It can instantly forge a connection between two strangers, or escalate a friendship. For some, their mad skillz in attraction gives them the pick of the room, while others break out in hives at the thought of having a conversation with someone of the opposite sex. And let’s not forget the person who leans in a little too fast, and touches a little too much. Instead of reeling in a potential mate, the person they flirt with ends up bolting for the door, worried the next move might involve chloroform.

Fact: flirting is individual. It’s unique. There is no one method that ensures success, and as writers, we need to know our characters well to find a flirting style that comes across as authentic to the reader, and achieves the results we need for our story to work.

How a character flirts will depends on these things:

Setting–where the character is plays into how they flirt. People naturally adapt to the environment and will act differently at a church picnic than at a football game. Think about the setting, and how it can define boundaries, affect mood and dictate appropriate behavior.

Confidence level–a girl or guy who is socially active and used to interaction with the opposite sex will be much more confident than someone who is inexperienced. Too, the way a character sees themselves will come into play. Someone aware of their strengths and assets will have stronger self confidence than a person who doubts their self worth. Always factor in your character’s background, personality and self confidence level before choosing how far to go when flirting.

Audience–if people are watching the interchange, then the awareness of possible watchers will either ramp up the flirting or tone it down, depending on those involved. Is your character showy, or not? Do they have something to prove? Does having an audience provide the energy they need to get what they want or throw them off their game completely?

Goals–If your character is trying to determine if there is a mutual attraction, the flirting will be less direct and more tentative than if the attraction is obvious. When the goal of flirting is to heighten emotions to the crackling point, then the moves become much more intense and aggressive. Consider what the goal is behind the flirting to ensure the level of playfulness matches up.

Receptiveness–The interest level or emotional connection may not be the same for both parties. If the body language of one character suggests they are not as engaged (moving back, looking away, fidgeting) as the other hopes, then flirting style and intensity level will need to change in order to keep a connection.

Flirting is all about body language and knowing how to read it. Here are some general flirty moves to get you started.

Flirting Indicators (Male-Identifying):

Smiles (is there anything more attractive than a smile?)
Eye contact (not constant or it’s creepy, more like a magnet pull of repeat contact)
Moves closer
Light and brief touches
A light squeeze of a potential partner’s hand
Runs a knuckle down a forearm
Drapes an arm around the other’s shoulders
Places a hand on the small of the back
Steers/guides with light touches, arm pulls, playful nudging
Touches an item their partner is holding (tugging, tapping his pencil against their notebook, etc)
Notices and verbalizes approval in what the other wears or how their hair is styled
Offers flattery, compliments
Suggests an activity, something everyday (get a drink, walk the same direction, find a place to sit, go for coffee, get some fresh air, etc.)
Shows sincerity
Jokes, teases, engages in small talk, banter
Is attentive
Agrees with the other’s opinions
Downplays her compliments to him (showing modesty)
Does a double take in order to be ‘caught looking’
Asks questions
Holds eye contact slightly longer than he normally might
“Accidental touches” (bumps their leg with his, brushes their hand, shoulder, etc while reaching for something)
Mentions something he’s noticed before approaching, or asks a leading question that suggest familiarity (I noticed your shoes–can I ask what you think of them? I’m a runner, too.)
Watches their lips
Says things that have a double meaning/innuendo

Flirting Indicators (Female-Identifying)

Walks past more than once
Turns head to look back
Moves closer within a room or area to sidle closer to the person of interest
Shakes back hair
Laughter
Uses the eyes and lashes to express and communicate
Looks down during conversation and then back up again, eyes widening slightly
Asks questions about the other’s interests
Gossips to friends, but eyes are on the person they are interested in
Touches lips (lips are sensual) IE: biting down while smiling, wetting lips, bringing a glass to lips with eye contact
Leave friends to stand apart and provide an opportunity for the other to approach them if the interest is returned
Playful touches (fiddle with zipper, touch their wrist to ask about the time, etc.)
Shows interest or handles something of his (asks to see his play list, picks up his phone to examine the screen background, slides a book out of his grip to look it over, etc.)
Plays with her hair during conversation
Reacts positive to something the other says or is interested in (asks questions, leans in, laughs at a joke, nods, encouraging them to continue)
Agrees with their opinions, thoughts, observations
Varies the timbre of her voice to keep the other person listening (lowers their voice to a whisper, says something in a playful tone)
Uses hands to accentuate features (hands placed on a narrow waist, pulling her long hair over one shoulder, fiddling with necklace to draw attention to her neckline, etc)
Leans in or steps closer
Places a hand on their arm
Giggles
Asks about their friends, job, talents (if she knows a bit about him)
Asks for their opinion or help with something
Fluid movements/gestures
Exudes high energy, fun
Acts coy, shy or playful by tilting the head, side-long looks, and using different types of smiles
Accepts compliments gracefully
Listens closely, and acts on clues in conversation to his likes, dislikes, interests, beliefs, etc.
Touches his knee or arm to emphasize a point or while laughing
If in a skirt, places a hand on knee or slowly crosses her legs to draw attention to them
Compliments their scent by leaning in and asking what they’re wearing
Gets ‘caught’ looking them over (but tastefully, not in a creepy way)
Mirroring the other’s movements (if he leans in, she does the same, etc.)
Points her body toward the other (sitting or standing)

So…what does your character do when they flirt? 

Read more: FLIRTING BODY LANGUAGE FAILS