One of the most difficult areas of description is when it comes to showing the appearance of a protagonist, especially when writing in first person POV. We need readers to “see” our protagonist, but how do we deliver description that is natural and active? Nola Sarina weighs in.
Most authors have encountered the advice: “Avoid the dreaded mirror scene!” Why? Using a mirror to describe your main character is a crutch upon which many authors rely to give their readers a visual snapshot of the characters in a book. Giving a snapshot not only interrupts the flow of a scene, but it also reminds the reader that an author wanted them to see something.
To make an authentic, deeply connected bond between reader and character, the author must immerse the reader in the character’s voice and stay out of the character’s way.
So how do you ensure the reader can visualize the character without interrupting the flow?
The physical description of a character only matters if your character has a reason to acknowledge it. For example, your POV character will likely notice the thick, curly red hair of the girl she has a crush on, but her own straight, faded-red hair and her clothing choice? Not likely, unless it directly applies to the moment.
But let’s say they are examining their appearance for a good reason. How do we show it without the dreaded mirror scene?
Let’s run an example:
I tried to keep my cool, tossing my long, faded-red hair over my shoulder as the popular but judgy Sarah raked her critical glare over me. Her freckles wrinkled along the bridge of her nose. Wearing black leather pants and a black tank top, I was a stark contrast to her blingy, Barbie-pink look.
What’s wrong here:
When you’re apprehensive about an encounter, do you think about the color of your hair as you give it a toss? No. You may try to convey a certain attitude with the motion, but that’s it.
Another issue is how the character in the example above makes clear-cut observations (popular but judgy) about the antagonist. She knows this. She doesn’t need to think about it. Doing so is a clear indication that this information is being shared only for the reader’s benefit, which interrupts the scene’s action. In other words, the author is getting in the way when their job is to be invisible.
Don’t use description dumps to give your reader a chance to see the appearance of your character. Instead, give your character a chance to show their appearance to your reader through voice and action.
I tried to keep my cool, tossing my hair over my shoulder. But a long, faded-red strand swung too far around my head and whipped me in the eye, earning a smirk from Sarah as she raked her critical glare over my figure. Her friends, sparkling like Barbie’s closet in pinks and bling, moved in to form a half-circle around me, reeking of popularity and judgement.
“What is this, the Goth Club?” Sarah said, wrinkling her freckled nose at my all-black-and-leather look.
This works much better. The reader gets a sharp, vivid picture of every character in the scene (including the main character), and sees these things as they happen—as they matter—rather than pausing to study a snapshot of characters in the scene first.
Make sure that your character is the one who tells the story, not you. By becoming an invisible author, you encourage your readers to connect to characters authentically and experience the story’s journey together.
Nola Sarina lives in Southern Alberta, Canada. Born in Minnesota and raised to appreciate reading and writing of all types from an early age, she found her favorite titles within the genres of dark fantasy, science fiction and romance.
Angela is a writing coach, international speaker, and bestselling author who loves to travel, teach, empower writers, and pay-it-forward. She also is a founder of One Stop For Writers, a portal to powerful, innovative tools to help writers elevate their storytelling.
I love this. Very encouraging. And I’ll always keep this on my side as I write on.
I’m not going to lie, this is really, really hard to accomplish. I’ve read plenty of seasoned authors’ works who don’t even know how to do this. Still working on this particular skill myself. My method is writing the characters like they’re in a play, making sure they interact with every prop and piece around them, and inserting physical descriptions in that way. However, that’s not always the right way to do it either. It’s difficult. for sure.
Very enlightening. Looking back on descriptions of my characters, I’ve written them wrong–they’re dumps. Thanks for the clear, easy to understand advice.
Nola, I’ve been trying to put these ideas into words for a while now – thank you for doing such a wonderful job at it. Your examples are clear and fully illustrate your point. Thank you!
I can understand it, see it in your wonderful examples, and yet, find it very difficult to do.
Thanks for the tutorial, though.
Maybe you could try giving each description an action, and then looking to see which ones can be spaced out over a few paragraphs? Hair swings, swishes, slaps us, falls out. Clothing snags on stuff, cinches too tight, drops off a shoulder. Trickle these detail/action combinations in through the course of your opening chapters. I hope this helps!
Thank you so much!
Great examples!
Such great examples here. Too much description definitely pulls me out of the story! And I have to cut that stuff out of my own work, because it does sneak in there from time to time during first drafts 🙂
You know, possibly because I recently read Brown Girl Dreaming and am presently reading Feathers, both by Jacqueline Woodson, she comes to mind. She has such an authentic, seamless way of including these details about character. I love the way she writes 🙂
This is great!!
Great reminders and tips, Nola! The more naturally we slip that information in, instead of throwing a heap of it into the story at one time, the more smoothly it reads. I’ll keep this in mind when I revise my WIP. Thanks for sharing! 🙂
Happy to hear its helpful! 😀
Sweet and simple article. Thanks for this it helps 🙂
You’re very welcome! 😀
Excellent points, Nola. And so well-expressed. Love your example! I give similar advice to authors in my upcoming book, Captivate Your Readers, out Feb. 28. All about stepping back as the author and letting the readers make a direct connection with the characters, as you recommend here. So glad we’re on the same page! Maybe I’ll see you at WWC in Calgary in August?
I’m glad you enjoyed it! Yes, I will absolutely be at WWC in August! Looking forward to it as always. 🙂
Very helpful post. Loved the before and after examples . Really showed me exactly what you are talking about.
Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us.
I think one of the toughest things to work into a story is the color of the pov character’s hair. Great advice. Thanks.
It’s always a challenge, same with things like weather. “It was raining” is informative but distancing. “Torrents of rain splattered the windshield, obscuring my view of the vehicle in front of us…” Still tells the reader it is raining but doesn’t break away from the character’s personal moment, and establishes mood and stakes, too.
‘I tried to keep my cool, tossing my hair over my shoulder.’
As said in a self editing book I go by, the first question to ask here is ‘How far?’ This type of line is just as bad or worse than the mirror scene.
Certainly there are other ways to handle this rewrite, but here I feel compelled to point out that Nola acknowledges your concern with the next line. The intent here is to show how physical details can be active and part of the scene, rather than act as a red flag of the author’s intent to toss lump description at readers.
Hi Jerry!
I appreciate your concern about the line, and as editors/writers we are often prone to editing with a very literal eye. But when I have annoying strands of hair hanging all over my neck, and there’s sweat or static or I’m trying to look confident even though I am feeling irritated, the most accurate description of the action I take to get my hair out of my way is to “toss it.” A gentle brush or adjustment just doesn’t cut it. Be cautious not to paint the whole text beige and bland when editing with a literal eye. Colourful language is both common and acceptable, particularly in genre fiction or first person.
My greatest challenge in writing character description is knowing when to stop with the detail. I often go overboard in describing character, scenes, emotions. It requires intense editing and learning how to say something I’ve said in ten sentences into one or two instead. There I go again! Verbose! LOL
Judy
Hi Denise! Glad you found it helpful! *waves from Alberta*
Terrific little article. Beautifully illustrated and appealingly succinct. Worthy of passing on. Cheers!
Thanks so much for reading! Glad to be of help. 🙂
I also love before and after examples in writing. Thanks!
So happy you found the examples useful. 🙂
Great example, Nola!
Oh, and we’re fellow Canadians.
Denise Willson
Author of A Keeper’s Truth and GOT