Getting into the Head of a Character Who Is Completely Different from You

I have this joke about my husband’s family. They all have larger-than-life, really obvious character traits. OCD tendencies, extreme fairness, being super loud—really interesting characteristics that I don’t happen to share. Not only do I love these people for their unique qualities, I love them because they’ve made it possible for me to write characters who share their qualities—characters who would’ve otherwise been really difficult to write, since I was so far removed from them.

We’ve all been in that situation of trying to write a character who was nothing like us, and it’s not easy to do. But Alexander Limberg is here today to share 3 helpful tips on how to get into the head of your characters and write them well and realistically.

Image, Post Alex  Limberg

Why can’t you just be more like me? *

Say there’s this guy you just can’t get along with. You’ve tried everything to make it work. You attempted to be tolerant about his annoying sense of entitlement; you did your best to see the positive in his constantly reserved manner; you tried not to judge his ridiculous correctness. But you don’t understand him. He’s just completely different than you.

It wouldn’t be so bad, except you’re both involved with an important project and see each other almost on a daily basis. The good news? He only exists on paper – as a character in your next novel. But if you want to make that novel work, you better get to understand him as well as you understand your very best friend.

It’s not the easiest thing to do, but I’ve got some ideas for how you can slip into the shoes of any character, even if the two of you are wildly different.

Use People You Know Who Are Similar To Your Character
Let’s face it: we’re experts at summing other people up—usually by their most obvious character traits. So-and-so is stingy, or touchy-feely, or hard working. That other person is humble, or dishonest, or a busybody. Chances are, we’ve known or encountered a person in real life who shares a trait or two with our characters. Siblings, parents, neighbors, co-workers, and the checkout lady at the grocery can all be used to help you write dozens of different characters.

Most of your characters won’t exactly mirror their real life prototypes because you’re writing fiction, not a biography. Instead, your figures will be hybrids of the people you know: for example, as brilliant as your sister and as restless as your best friend.

Take from everybody what you need. The more life experience you have and the more characters you have met over the course of your life, the better! Society is just a big, yummy, never-ending buffet of character traits. Feast at your convenience, and bring your unique cast of characters to life.

Don’t Act. Be!
In some ways, writing is like acting. The difference is that you have to be everyone at once. Switching between characters from one moment to the next is an ability that distinguishes great writers from the not-so-great ones. It’s a lot like method acting.

In method acting, you don’t try to pretend you’re a different character. Instead, you ask yourself: “If I was that cheerful/vain/sneaky/dumb, how would I act?” As you answer that question, you move into a different headspace. You’re doing what the best authors in the world are really good at: They don’t act, they are. For a brief moment, they are that character, with all of their being.

It’s a small step between pretending and being. So the next time you’re trying to write a character who’s not at all like you, just ask yourself: “How would I act if…?”

Recall a Situation that Brought out the Opposite in You
We all have multiple sides to our personalities. Sad individuals are occasionally joyful, mature people can be childish, and yes, even the dumb ones are smart sometimes. Likewise, that trait that your character embodies may not be an obvious attribute of yours, but you’re likely capable of acting that way. It’s actually very possible that you have been that way for a period of time in the past.

Perhaps your character is extremely confident, and you’re not. Surely there was a time in your life when you did feel confident­—maybe, right after you got your promotion or passed that exam in university, you felt on fire and were invincible for the next couple of days.

Close your eyes and remember that time: What was different? What did you see, or smell, or hear? How did you feel? Try to revisit that time with your entire body. Yes, it might sound overly esoteric, but give it a try. The experiences, and your character’s traits, are most likely hidden deep within you. Just tap into your emotional memory and put that character down on paper.

Writing about a seemingly foreign character isn’t easy, but then what part of the writing process is? Hopefully these tips on how to temporarily be someone else will come in handy. Now it’s your turn: Have you ever written a character who was very different from you? How do you write someone whose nature is nothing like yours? Let us know in the comments!

* Photo Copyright: © Esolex/

Photo, Alex  LimbergAlex Limberg is the founder of Ride the Pen, a creative writing blog that dissects famous writers (works, not bodies); his blog offers detailed writing prompts. Make your story great by checking your character development with 10 crucial questions from his free e-book. The ebook contains ‘44 Key Questions’ in total to test your story. Alex has worked as a copywriter in a Hamburg advertising agency and with camera and lighting in the movie business. He lives in Austria and has previously lived in Los Angeles and Madrid.


Becca Puglisi is an international speaker, writing coach, and bestselling author of The Emotion Thesaurus and its sequels. Her books are available in five languages, are sourced by US universities, and are used by novelists, screenwriters, editors, and psychologists around the world. She is passionate about learning and sharing her knowledge with others through her Writers Helping Writers blog and via One Stop For Writers—a powerhouse online library created to help writers elevate their storytelling. You can find Becca online at both of these spots, as well as on Facebook and Twitter.
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Christopher Ruel
5 years ago

Sometimes, when I am “being” the character as you suggest, it’s a bit frightening. I recognize that those traits are hidden within me, and that I don’t have to look to far afield to find that egotistical maniac, or flirty cad, or sadistic tyrant. Writing can unmask things within our personalities that aren’t pretty and it’s unnerving to say the least. Often I have re-read my work and wondered,”Where did that come from and what does it say about me?” These are great tips and I appreciate you sharing them with the community. One of my practices is to hold “conversations” with my characters, attach rich backstories that continue to influence their behaviors, and spend time getting to know them. It sounds weird, but when I turn to the business of writing, I find that the dialogue and actions flow more naturally.

5 years ago

Absolutely, the ideal condition is your characters “speaking through you.” Like you say, that can only happen when you take your time to get to know them beforehand.

In regards to the “dark side” I would say – just embrace it. Humans are a funny little species, we do carry a lot of contradictions with us…

:Donna Marie
5 years ago

This can be difficult to do so appreciate these fantastic tips! Thank you, Alex 🙂

5 years ago
Reply to  :Donna Marie

Thanks, Donna! 😉


[…] Getting into the Head of a Character Who Is Completely Different from You, from Writers Helping Writers: When you’re writing, chances are good that you’ll […]

5 years ago

Excellent post with some great practical tips to achieve authenticity. Using our own past experiences can help in so many ways. Becca and I advocate this technique when it comes to expressing the character’s emotions as well. Thanks for visiting, Alex!

5 years ago

Indeed, Angela, life experience really helps tremendously with fiction writing, and that’s not just true for character creation.

Thanks for having me on your wonderful and very practical blog!

Madeline Taylor
Madeline Taylor
5 years ago

What a great post! I have been struggling with this very thing for a few weeks now, trying to make an outgoing party animal sound realistic. I guess all I really had to do was channel my roommates from my college days. Thanks for the help.

5 years ago

Oh, the extroverted characters, he he..!

As writers tend to be introverted types, there are probably many writers struggeling with this kind of character. So it’s always good to have experience with some party animal ex-roommates. 🙂

I’m glad the post could help you; keep on doing your thing!