Relationship Thesaurus Entry: Adult Child and Elderly Parent

Successful stories are driven by authentic and interesting characters, so it’s important to craft them carefully. But characters don’t usually exist in a vacuum; throughout the course of your story, they’ll live, work, play, and fight with other cast members. Some of those relationships are positive and supportive, pushing the protagonist to positive growth and helping them achieve their goals. Other relationships do exactly the opposite—derailing your character’s confidence and self-worth—or they cause friction and conflict that leads to fallout and disruption. Many relationships hover somewhere in the middle. A balanced story will require a mix of these dynamics.

The purpose of this thesaurus is to encourage you to explore the kinds of relationships that might be good for your story and figure out what each might look like. Think about what a character needs (good and bad), and build a network of connections for him or her that will challenge them, showcase their innermost qualities, and bind readers to their relationship trials and triumphs.

Adult Child and Elderly Parent

Description:
The relationship between a child and their elderly parent can be riddled with challenges. Oftentimes, the child must care for the aging parent as their health needs rise and their ability to maintain independence declines. But the roles are sometimes reversed, with an elderly parent still needing to fill the parental role for their adult child. If existing conflict is a major factor in the relationship, dynamics such as neglect, resentment, and strife may preclude each party from meeting one another’s needs.

Relationship Dynamics
Below are a wide range of dynamics that may accompany this relationship. Use the ideas that suit your story and work best for your characters to bring about and/or resolve the necessary conflict. 

An elderly parent and adult child who speak everyday (via phone, Skype, FaceTime, etc.) and offer mutual support
The younger party caring for their aging parent in the child’s home
An elderly parent who actively supports the child and their family (babysitting, driving them to the airport when they’re going out of town, helping out financially, etc.)
An amiable relationship that is distant or superficial
One party only reaching out to the other when they need help
One party being ignored or neglected by the other
Personality differences or past wounds making intimacy between the parties difficult
One party verbally or physically abusing the other

Challenges That Could Threaten The Status Quo
The elderly parent getting injured, falling ill, or receiving a life-changing medical diagnosis
The spouse of either party leaving or dying
Either party losing their home or financial stability
The elderly parent losing the ability to function independently (driving, maintaining property, caring for themselves, etc.)
The child moving far away
The child having a baby, which brings an estranged parent back into their life
The elderly parent changing their will

Conflicting Desires that Can Impair the Relationship
The elderly parent wanting to maintain independence, and the child not believing that he or she is capable
The child wanting to help an ailing parent but having other responsibilities that make it difficult to do so
The child wanting to help a parent who is unwilling to agree to the child’s reasonable requests (not making racist comments in front of the grandkids, stopping smoking in the child’s house, etc.)

Clashing Personality Trait Combinations
Independent and Needy, Judgmental and Oversensitive, Responsible and Uncooperative, Trusting and Manipulative, Nurturing and Withdrawn, Controlling and Rebellious, Persuasive and Weak-Willed

Negative Outcomes of Friction
The parties becoming estranged
Feelings of resentment and anger growing within the relationship
Fighting with other family members about the parent’s care

Fictional Scenarios That Could Turn These Characters into Allies
Coming together through a divorce, a challenging birth, or the death of a loved one
Working together to meed the needs of a grandchild
Needing to find a care scenario that will satisfy both parties

Ways This Relationship May Lead to Positive Change
Close proximity requiring both parties to become more accommodating and accepting
The passing of valuable knowledge and insight into family history and life lessons
One party seeking to become more like the other (in a good way)

Themes and Symbols That Can Be Explored through This Relationship
A Fall from Grace, Alienation, Crossroads, Death, Depression, Disorder, Endings, Family, Friendship, Health, Hope, Illness, Inflexibility, Journeys, Knowledge, Love, Passage of time, Refuge, Sacrifice, Suffering, Unity

Other Relationship Thesaurus entries can be found here.

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