Successful stories are driven by authentic and interesting characters, so it’s important to craft them carefully. But characters don’t usually exist in a vacuum; throughout the course of your story, they’ll live, work, play, and fight with other cast members. Some of those relationships are positive and supportive, pushing the protagonist to positive growth and helping them achieve their goals. Other relationships do exactly the opposite, derailing your character’s confidence and self-worth or they cause friction and conflict that leads to fallout and disruption. Many relationships hover somewhere in the middle. A balanced story will require a mix of these dynamics.
The purpose of this thesaurus is to encourage you to explore the kinds of relationships that might be good for your story and figure out what each might look like. Think about what a character needs (good and bad), and build a network of connections for him or her that will challenge them, showcase their innermost qualities, and bind readers to their relationship trials and triumphs.
Parent and Adult Child
Description:
The parent/child relationship changes drastically as both parties reach adulthood and maturity. With perspective, the adult child may develop feelings of empathy, awe, respect, and deeper love for their parent. They may also find themselves coming to grips with a childhood of neglect, abuse, and toxicity. The parent, likewise, may navigate different feelings surrounding their adult child’s life, from pride and satisfaction to shame and guilt. With childhood being a formative time and an adult child being equipped with experience and understanding, this relationship has the potential for powerful dimension.
Relationship Dynamics
Below are a wide range of dynamics that may accompany this relationship. Use the ideas that suit your story and work best for your characters to bring about and/or resolve the necessary conflict.
Each party seeking to meet the other’s needs
The two speaking daily, vacationing together, and otherwise seeking out each other’s company
Both parties sharing in the raising of children/grandchildren
An adult child becoming a caretaker for their aging parent
One party seeking out the advice of the other
Either party striving to forgive, reconcile with, or make amends with the other
An adult child and parent who love and respect each other but aren’t very close (due to physical distance, busyness, or another benign reason)
An adult child and parent who have been driven apart by the child’s spouse or significant other
Two people who simply don’t get along (because of religious or political differences, clashing personalities, parenting styles, etc.)
An adult parent who is still trying to control or orchestrate their child’s life
A manipulative parent using a grandchild against their child to get what they want
An adult child who is still relying on their parent for their basic needs
An unreliable parent who acts more like the child in the relationship
An adult child hiding their choices from their parent and maintaining a façade
A parent and child who only get together for family functions but otherwise avoid one another
A toxic relationship filled with anger, accusations, blame, and even abuse
An estranged parent and child
An adult child being unable to forgive a parent for past transgressions
An adult child being treated differently than other siblings by their parent
One party being predominantly selfish and seeking their own needs above the other person’s
Challenges That Could Threaten The Status Quo
The child wanting to revisit unaddressed childhood trauma
The parent relocating closer to or further away from the child
The parent disapproving of their child’s lifestyle choices
The child facing a challenge that requires additional time or financial support from the parent
The parent disapproving of the adult child’s parenting philosophies
The child rejecting cultural or religious norms that the parent still embraces
The child finding out they have been lied to about their parentage
One party making a choice that brings shame to the family
One person’s addiction escalating so it impacts others
The parent divorcing
A single parent remarrying
Either party developing a serious illness
One person needing to borrow money from the other
Either party needing to move in with the other
The child setting healthy boundaries that the parent doesn’t agree with
Conflicting Desires That Can Impair the Relationship
The child wanting to reveal a long-held family secret
One party wanting more contact than the other
The adult seeking autonomy from a parent who wants to maintain control
The parent wanting their adult child to get married or have children before they’re ready
The parent entering into a romantic relationship that the child disapproves of
A parent wanting their child to conform to cultural norms or religious beliefs
The child wanting a reluctant parent to seek help for addiction or a medical affliction
The child wanting an abusive or neglectful parent to admit fault
The child wanting more insight into their parent’s past than the parent is comfortable sharing
A parent wanting their adult child to pursue a different career path
Clashing Personality Trait Combinations
Needy and Independent, Independent and Controlling, Confrontational and Timid, Nurturing and Withdrawn, Ambitious and Lazy, Responsible and Scatterbrained, Responsible and Irresponsible
Negative Outcomes of Friction
Strained social interactions
Other family members being caught in the middle
Feelings of self-doubt and insecurity
Secrets being kept that really should be shared
Arguments and fights
Either person feeling invalidated and unsupported
Abusive or toxic behavior leading to trauma
Difficulty setting or respecting boundaries
Losing the chance to be mentored through difficult times
A grandparent having no relationship with their grandchildren
Estrangement
Fictional Scenarios That Could Turn These Characters into Allies
Uniting to stand up to a difficult family member or outsider
The parent inviting the adult child into the family business
Coming together to support the needs of another loved one
Taking a trip together
Attending therapy together
Both parties needing to share in the raising of a child
The parent supporting and guiding their adult child through a challenging time
The adult child gaining new perspective and empathy for their parent when they have kids of their own
Ways This Relationship May Lead to Positive Change
Learning and growing from one another’s perspectives and experiences
An adult child receiving recognition for their accomplishments from their parent
Either party maturing and realizing the part they played in a dysfunctional relationship
The adult child realizing, in hindsight, the sacrifices and support of their parent
Either person learning to compromise
The relationship serving as a bridge for other strained relationships in the family
Themes and Symbols That Can Be Explored through This Relationship
A fall from grace, Alienation, Beginnings, Betrayal, Coming of age, Deception, Depression, Family, Friendship, Hope, Illness, Inflexibility, Innocence, Instability, Isolation, Journeys, Loss, Love, Mystery, Passage of time, Rebellion, Recognition, Sacrifice, Suffering, Unity
Other Relationship Thesaurus entries can be found here.
Need More Descriptive Help?
While this thesaurus is still being developed, the rest of our descriptive collection (15 unique thesauri and growing) is accessible through the One Stop for Writers THESAURUS database.
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Becca Puglisi is an international speaker, writing coach, and bestselling author of The Emotion Thesaurus and its sequels. Her books are available in five languages, are sourced by US universities, and are used by novelists, screenwriters, editors, and psychologists around the world. She is passionate about learning and sharing her knowledge with others through her Writers Helping Writers blog and via One Stop For Writers—a powerhouse online library created to help writers elevate their storytelling.