How to Avoid Author Intrusion in First Person

Author Intrusion happens when the author butts into the story to address the audience directly, interrupting the character who’s supposed to be narrating. Sometimes this can be used deliberately to create a certain effect. CS Lewis, Jane Austen, Lemony Snicket…it works for them because it’s purposeful. Deliberate.

As with so many writing problems, intrusion becomes an issue when it’s accidental—when we, the author, meander outside of our character’s viewpoint and start sharing things the character wouldn’t share. For instance…

I tucked my curly black hair into its cap.

This description won’t quite ring true because every narrator is intimately acquainted with the color and texture of their own hair. When they’re talking or thinking, they’re not going to reference the particulars. If I inject those details into the story in this way, the character is no longer narrating. It’s me, the author, interrupting the true storyteller to get information across to readers.

Here’s another example:

And that’s when my neighbor, Rob, burst into the room.

Here, the narrator wouldn’t think of Rob as “my neighbor” because they already know this about him. It’s obvious this information has been included by me, the author, as I try to introduce a new cast member.

So What’s the Big Deal with Intrusion?

In every story, one of your main jobs is to help readers develop a relationship with the viewpoint character. This happens when readers see things from the character’s perspective— sharing in their struggles, identifying with their motivations, wanting them to evolve and be well. All this draws the two close together, and an empathy bond is formed that puts the reader firmly in the character’s corner.

Author intrusion has the opposite effect. Instead of encouraging that close connection, it creates distance between the reader and character. It pulls readers out of the narrative because they realize, even on a subconscious level, that someone else has hijacked the story.

This creates a problem in first-person because there are times when the author needs to pass along information the character wouldn’t typically share. How do we do that from the shadows, in a way that doesn’t pull the reader’s attention?

Slip the Details into What’s Already Happening

Anytime we stop the character’s story to share stuff, we create drag, and the pace suffers. Instead of interrupting story events to relay information, share those details through what’s already happening. Look for a scene where it would be natural for the character to reference those particulars while events are unfolding. In the case of our curly-headed character, maybe as she’s headed outside on a blustery day:

The wind snatched at my hair and whipped it into a tangled mess. I could only imagine what it looked like—a curly black storm cloud scaring away potential suitors, children, and pretty much anyone with eyes.

This rendering mentions the same details (curly black hair), but because they’re shared as part of the story—via the setting (weather), in fact—they’re not intrusive. The reader’s experience isn’t interrupted.

Use Viewpoint Filtering

Another reason this example works is because we’ve stayed true to the character’s viewpoint. Everything is being filtered through her unique perspective. The details she focuses on, her thoughts, the words she uses—her voice is consistent because the author is getting out of the way and letting the character tell the story.

Use Other Characters

Personal appearance details are notoriously tricky to write in first person because they’re not usually things the character would think about. So no matter how you write the passage, it may not sound natural if the character mentions them. An easy workaround is to get someone else to notice those things.

The wind whipped my hair into a frenzy, and Ma groaned. “Gracious, Jess, do something with this curly mop.” She slapped a cap on my head and started shoving my hair into it. “Bad enough it’s black as a dung beetle. Why won’t it lay flat?”

BONUS TIP: Find Each Character’s Voice

One reason intrusion doesn’t work is because the facts are so baldly stated. Every character’s unique personality bleeds into their voice, and when you include observations that lack personality (or sound too much like you), it’s obvious those observations aren’t coming from the character.

If you’ve taken the time to get to know your cast, you’ll know how each person talks, what turns of phrase they would use, and what comparisons they might make–such as comparing someone’s hair to a dung beetle. That will allow you to write in that character’s voice (not your own) while revealing much more than just a few physical details.

That last example, with one short paragraph and a carefully chosen simile, tells us a lot about the speaker; we can infer that Jess’s mom is pushy, outspoken, seems hard to please, and doesn’t much like her daughter’s hair. We get a glimpse into what their relationship is like, and we can imagine a certain twang to her voice that hints at a rural address or upbringing.

We’re able to draw these inferences because the author kept her nose out of the story and just let the characters speak.

What we’re basically talking about here is show-don’t-tell. As authors, we shouldn’t be telling the audience what they need to know. We should be showing it through the characters and what’s already happening in their story. Writers Helping Writers has a ton of resources on how to show effectively, so check those out for more practical tips.

This post is a response to a question from one of our readers, which I originally replied to via a quick video in one of our newsletters. If you have writing- or industry-related questions you’d like us to answer, we’d love to address them. And to receive our occasional newsletter that contains answers to these questions along with other helpful writing advice, sign up here.