Sourced from The Emotional Wound Thesaurus
EXAMPLES:
Telling someone that one is being abused (by a parent, coach, uncle, etc.) and not being believed
Reporting a crime and the police responding with skepticism
Being accused of stealing or lying and all proclamations of innocence fall on deaf ears
Being sentenced and punished for a crime one did not commit
Having a parent believe someone else over one’s account of what happened
Repeatedly being called a liar by one’s parents, caregivers, or those in authority
Confiding in a teacher or principal about an inappropriate situation and being labeled a troublemaker
Giving an eyewitness account of something and it being dismissed as not credible
Giving an account of something that challenges society’s belief systems and being belittled for it (seeing a ghost, talking to God, spotting a UFO, experiencing the supernatural, etc.)
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND:
Physiological Needs, Safety And Security, Love And Belonging, Esteem And Recognition, Self-Actualization
LIES THAT MAY DEVELOP FOR CHARACTERS WITH THIS WOUND:
If they tell, they’ll only get into trouble
They can’t count on anyone to stand beside them when it matters most
They have to look out for themselves
It’s better to tell people what they want to hear
The people who should protect you will betray you in the end
People say honesty is the best policy, but it isn’t
People only believe what they want to hear
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
Not being believed when it matters most
Persecution
Being wrong about what they believe to be true
Rejection by others as a result of being too honest
Being taken advantage of, hurt, or otherwise victimized, and having no recourse
Trusting the wrong person and being betrayed
Those with power or authority twisting the truth to serve their own needs
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS:
Not valuing honesty or integrity because no one else does
Manipulating others so they’ll believe what one wants them to (rather than relying on honesty)
Telling people what they want to hear as a way of avoiding problems
Not opening up or sharing one’s past experiences because one expects to not be believed
Lying compulsively to mask feelings and avoid being hurt by others
Not being able to take a joke about lying; dealing poorly with being teased
Needing assurances that one is believed in even the most benign situation
Explaining oneself and one’s motivations when it isn’t necessary
Indignation when one’s word is questioned
Suffering a complete meltdown when one is challenged about the truth
Proving one’s loyalty at every opportunity
Keeping to oneself so one’s word will never be questioned
Being unable to keep a secret if it requires one to lie to others
Compulsively needing to reveal the truth to others if they are being misled by someone else
Giving overly detailed answers to prove one is being truthful
Relying on humor, generosity, or charm to win people over
Resenting those one knows is lying when others take them at their word
Taking steps to prove one’s honesty (keeping notes, recording conversations, etc.)
Angry reactions if one’s words are twisted or taken out of context
Being compulsively honest; refusing to tell even the smallest lie
Embracing the truth completely and having a highly tuned sense of fairness
Never making assumptions; always searching for facts
POSITIVE ATTRIBUTES THAT MAY RESULT:
Cautious, Courageous, Disciplined, Discreet, Empathetic, Funny, Honest, Honorable, Independent, Just, Loyal, Meticulous, Nurturing, Persistent, Persuasive, Protective, Responsible, Socially Aware, Spiritual, Wise
NEGATIVE TRAITS THAT MAY RESULT:
Antisocial, Compulsive, Cynical, Defensive, Dishonest, Disloyal, Evasive, Fanatical, Hostile, Inhibited, Insecure, Judgmental, Know-It-All, Needy, Nervous, Obsessive, Oversensitive, Paranoid, Perfectionist, Prejudiced, Pessimistic, Rebellious, Resentful, Timid, Uncommunicative, Weak-Willed, Withdrawn
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND:
Being forced to call someone out who is lying
Being lied to by one’s child or spouse
One’s word being doubted while someone with a conflicting story is believed
Being treated so poorly in a situation that one suspects prejudice is to blame
STEPS TOWARD HEALING:
Giving others the benefit of the doubt so they won’t experience the same sense of unfairness
Learning to read people so one will know if they’re telling the truth and won’t have to guess
Becoming extremely articulate to minimize chances for misunderstandings
Building relationships with people who value truth and transparency
Being open about one’s motives so others never have a need to doubt or guess
Admit to wrongdoing and thank others who doing the same (rather than making a big deal out of it)
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND:
Having to discern the truth when two people are telling opposing stories
Facing a situation where lying is the greater kindness because the truth will cause unnecessary hurt
Being accused of wrongdoing and having to choose between accepting the blame to make things easier or proving one’s innocence
Discovering a friend is being hurt and encouraging them to speak up so the wrongdoer is held accountable
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