Coping Mechanism Thesaurus: Codependence (Caretaking Aspect)

When a character suffers emotional pain, the brain’s response is to stop the discomfort, and often this results in a coping mechanism being deployed. Whether it’s an automatic response or a learned go-to strategy, a mechanism helps them cope with the stress of the moment or escape the hurt of it.

But if the character develops an unhealthy reliance on that mechanism, problems will arise. Long-term, certain coping behaviors will impair their connections with others, their ability to achieve goals and dreams, and their resiliency in handling life’s pressures.

At some point, they must have an Aha! moment where they realize their coping method is holding them back and they need to seek other ways to deal with stress. Namely, they’ll have to adopt healthier mechanisms that enable them to manage difficulties and ultimately have a happier future.

To help you write your character’s growth (or regression) journey, we’ve created The Coping Mechanism Thesaurus, which contains a range of coping methods. The one we’re highlighting today can be damaging, and we hope this partial entry will help you show your character’s struggle in a way readers can relate to.

Codependence (Caretaking Aspect)

Definition

Finding value and worth through taking care and meeting the needs of others

What It May Look Like

Prioritizing the needs of others above their own
Being drawn to people who are takers or need a great deal of care
Seeking validation from others
Being a people pleaser
Accepting blame unnecessarily to keep the peace

Basic Human Needs It Could Compromise

Self-Actualization: A codependent person puts their dreams on hold so they can help others pursue theirs. They may have no goals of their own outside of pleasing someone else—an impossible task that puts actualization permanently out of reach.

Esteem and Recognition: This character finds their value in what others think of them, so even the smallest criticism, dissatisfaction, or frustration from those the character seeks to please will undermine their sense of self-worth.

Fallout (and Possible Turning Points)

Reaching a tipping point where the character grows tired of always caring for someone who never reciprocates
Recognizing their own value as a human being and realizing they deserve more than they’re getting from the people in their life
Wanting something important for themselves that their partner won’t allow
Having to choose between the partner and another important person in their life (a child, parent, best friend, etc.)

Commitment to Change

Becoming more self-aware by paying attention to their own emotions, desires, and hurts
Taking time for themselves; practicing self-care
Standing up for themselves; pushing back against manipulation and unfair blame
Setting and maintaining personal boundaries

To help you brainstorm your character’s responses to stress, visit our master list of healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Need More Descriptive Help?

While this thesaurus is still being developed and expanded, the rest of our descriptive collection (18 unique thesauri and growing) is accessible through the One Stop for Writers THESAURUS database.

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