Coping Mechanism Thesaurus Entry: Keeping Relationships Superficial

When a character suffers emotional pain, the brain’s response is to stop the discomfort, and often this results in a coping mechanism being deployed. Whether it’s an automatic response or a learned go-to strategy, a mechanism helps them cope with the stress of the moment or escape the hurt of it.

But if the character develops an unhealthy reliance on that mechanism, problems will arise. Long-term, certain coping behaviors will impair their connections with others, their ability to achieve goals and dreams, and their resiliency in handling life’s pressures.

At some point, they must have an Aha! moment where they realize their coping method is holding them back and they need to seek other ways to deal with stress. Namely, they’ll have to adopt healthier mechanisms that enable them to manage difficulties and ultimately have a happier future.

To help you write your character’s growth (or regression) journey, we’ve created The Coping Mechanism Thesaurus, which contains a range of coping methods. The one we’re highlighting today can be damaging, and we hope this partial entry will help you show your character’s struggle in a way readers can relate to.

Keeping Relationships Superficial

Definition

Seeking to prevent rejection by limiting emotional intimacy with others.

What It May Look Like

Having a lot of acquaintances but few close friends
Keeping conversations focused on the other person
Deflecting personal questions by changing the subject
Rarely sharing personal information, even when the other person offers some of their own
Seeking romantic encounters that have no strings attached or aren’t meant to last (through one-night stands, on hook-up sites, etc.)

Basic Human Needs It Could Compromise

Love and Connection: Keeping everyone at arm’s length will prevent any true connection or love. These require a willingness to be vulnerable, which is almost impossible for someone who keeps things superficial.

Safety and Security: Without a reliable and trustworthy support system, the character will be isolated and endangered when things go south (as they inevitably will).

Fallout (and Possible Turning Points)

Ruining a relationship with someone they care about and wanted to be closer to
Seeing someone else’s intimate relationship and realizing they’re missing out
Needing help or support and having no one to turn to
Not wanting to be lonely or alone anymore

Commitment to Change

Forcing themselves to linger at social gatherings rather than leaving early
Joining a club or group where participation is required and they’re forced to make meaningful contributions
Committing to a deep relationship or friendship

To help you brainstorm your character’s responses to stress, visit our master list of healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Need More Descriptive Help?

While this thesaurus is still being developed and expanded, the rest of our descriptive collection (18 unique thesauri and growing) is accessible through the One Stop for Writers THESAURUS database.

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