When a character suffers emotional pain, the brain’s response is to stop the discomfort, and often this results in a coping mechanism being deployed. Whether it’s an automatic response or a learned go-to strategy, a mechanism helps them cope with the stress of the moment or escape the hurt of it.
But if the character develops an unhealthy reliance on that mechanism, problems will arise. Long-term, certain coping behaviors will impair their connections with others, their ability to achieve goals and dreams, and their resiliency in handling life’s pressures.
At some point, they must have an Aha! moment where they realize their coping method is holding them back and they need to seek other ways to deal with stress. Namely, they’ll have to adopt healthier mechanisms that enable them to manage difficulties and ultimately have a happier future.
To help you write your character’s growth (or regression) journey, we’ve created The Coping Mechanism Thesaurus, which contains a range of coping methods. The one we’re highlighting today can be damaging, and we hope this partial entry will help you show your character’s struggle in a way readers can relate to.
Living in the Past
Definition
Ruminating on old hurts or happier times instead of focusing on how to move forward
What It May Look Like
Retelling old stories
Pouring over old photographs and memorabilia
Romanticizing past stages of life, relationships, places where the character lived, etc.
Claiming that nothing can ever be as good as it was back in the day
Refusing to entertain anyone else’s version of past events
Becoming jaded; believing things will never improve or be better than they once were
Basic Human Needs It Could Compromise
Self-Actualization: A character who is always looking back won’t be focused on the future and moving forward.
Esteem and Recognition: A character who’s stuck in the past may be viewed by others as being simple or out of touch with reality. People may also become frustrated with a character who is unable or unwilling to accept and move beyond a past event.
Fallout (and Possible Turning Points)
Being bypassed for an important opportunity because they were lost in their own head
Noticing that whenever they start talking about the past, people roll their eyes or change the subject
Realizing they’re holding onto the past as a way of avoiding something unpleasant in the present
Commitment to Change
Replacing unhealthy coping mechanisms with positive ones is how your character turns the page, but it starts with internal work, new habits, and practices:
Becoming aware of their thought patterns so they can focus on the present when the past creeps in
Getting rid of emotional crutches (throwing away memorabilia that makes the character sad, moving to a new house, etc.)
For help brainstorming your character’s responses to stress, see our master list of healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Need More Descriptive Help?
While this thesaurus is still being developed and expanded, the rest of our descriptive collection (18 unique thesauri and growing) is accessible through the One Stop for Writers THESAURUS database.
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